My favorite thing to do before entering SCIE was to read the graduates’ speeches posted on the school website, and I always had a lot of great fantasies about high school life at that time. Ihave experienced and grown up a lot during these four years at SCIE. Some fantasies came true, some were shattered, and some were forgotten with time. With complex emotions at this time of graduation, I wrote this article.
Four years ago, I was in my second year of junior high. Luckily, I passed the entrance exam and got the ticket to SCIE. The first time I met my peers and seniors was two days before the start of the school year. It was a hot pot dinner party organized by a finance club. I had never won a lottery before, but somehow, I was chosen to go to that dinner for free. On that day, the senior students talked about many learning experiences and study strategies at high school, and I took notes very carefully. But still, I didn’t pass the interview for that club. And they didn’t host that kind of dinner party ever again.
On the first day of school, I met up with a fellow student I had chatted with online at the south gate of the school. Together, we toured the campus under the guidance of the seniors. The seniors seemed unfamiliar with the campus, too, and part of the campus wasn’t even built at that time. Then, my high school life started.
Being new to the school can always be confusing. At least, to me, it was. There are 5 days in a week. So, I signed up for 5 clubs. Otherwise, I would regard myself as wasting time and opportunities. I went to the clubs every day after class. Ninety minutes passed quickly. I looked at the screen full of notes I didn’t understand and wondered what I was doing with that busy schedule. Everyone around me seemed busy, too, but when asked afterward, they also didn’t know what they were up to.
I saw many seniors holding info-sharing sessions, so I went to the sessions. But I knew nothing about their majors and only heard that so-and-so majors had great career prospects. Leaflets from various educational organizations flew all over the place, flattering about application planning secrets and tips for getting A*s in international exams. I struggled to find a few articles that suited me to the flood of information about studying abroad. I read them carefully and then forgot about them afterward. I saw everyone around me was participating in academic competitions, so I signed up for the NEC, IEO, and other famous competitions and thought I’d make a go of it. I researched a bit on my own, read a couple of books, and didn’t get any prizes worthwhile to mention in my application. Then my G1 passed, with confusion and self-doubt.
The good thing is that in G1, although I was still determining where I was heading in the future, at least I did well in my classes, and my GPA was good. Later, in G2, I was smart enough to quit a few clubs that I didn’t like and left myself free to explore more subject areas. And it was in G2 that I figured out the general direction of my future path and decided on my major. Anyway, people are either searching for a goal or working towards it, so it’s absolutely fine to be unsure about the future.
After the confusion, my life got smoother, and I gradually made some friends. Luckily, I was surrounded by a warm group of people. In my drama class, there were fewer students but more interactions, so the relationship between students was very close, and I’ve been good friends with many of my drama classmates from G1 to now. Thanks to the class G2.13, I made close friends from it. Later, when I joined the volleyball team, I also met many people. When I first started G1, I didn’t have many friends around me because I was bad at socializing, and it was the first time I experienced the system where I went to classes with completely different groups of people.
The practice I did at SCIE also helped me to develop my ability to socialize with people, which made me better adapt to university life. I appreciate getting to know all the friends I made at different stages in high school, who influenced me in many ways and made me the person I am today.
One of the things that makes studying A-level different from the Gaokao educational system is that students explore broader study areas. From drama, computer science, and economics at the IGCSE level to psychology, English literature, and advanced mathematics at the A-level, I was always able to listen to my inner voice to explore the fields that I was interested in and to find out what I might be able to do in the future. I chose architecture as my major because after exploring some study areas, I realized that they were not suitable for me or I didn’t really like them, so I chose design, which I have loved since I was a child. I applied to universities in the U.S. because of the freedom of curriculum, which allows students to learn a wider range of things. Architecture itself is a discipline that requires multiple fields of knowledge, so I wish to continue exploring different disciplines in college and find the career that suits me best and that I enjoy the most.
There are always decisions made by coincidence. I never considered WashU as an ED1 school until the summer break in A1. That summer, I accidentally went to WashU’s architecture discovery program because it was the only one that suited my schedule.
The two-week program was dreamlike and, at the same time, a torturing experience. I was so busy that I didn’t have time to check my phone messages. I stayed in the studio from morning until 10 pm or even 11 pm every day. I even had meals at Subway daily because it was convenient and closer to the studio than the cafeteria. But I had fun every day. Especially when the sketches I drew were turned into 3D objects by myself. For me, the sense of achievement was incomparable to studying any other subjects. So, this firmed my choice of studying architecture at college. On a Sunday, when I occasionally had time to relax, I lay on the swing under the dormitory. It was a nice sunny afternoon.
Suddenly, I felt that it would be great to spend the next four years there: the campus was beautiful, the professors were all very nice, the art museum was right next to the architecture school, and there were bunnies everywhere. All these are what I like. While doing school research, I found that WashU was a perfect match for me, especially regarding support for multidisciplinary studies. So, I chose WashU as my ED1 school. My mom actually wanted me to choose Rice due to WashU’s drop in rankings and bad location, but after doing more research and discussions, I still wanted to choose WashU. All in all, I appreciate that my parents ended up completely supporting my decision at that point.
The day my ED1 results came out, I miscalculated the time and thought it would be released at 9 a.m. My friend stayed up all night waiting for his early morning decision, but I couldn’t stay up too late, so I went to sleep after catching up on the EPQ deadline. The next morning, I woke up early but thought the decision was not yet out, so I checked WeChat first. My friend said he’s going to treat me to Chiba. I went to his WeChat Moments to comment ‘congratulations.’ Then I checked my email, and it turned out that my decision also came out in the early morning. I was lying in bed, sleepy-eyed, and used muscle memory to open the portal. Before I had time to get nervous, congratulations popped up on the screen. I was excited but then realized I forgot to record the reaction video. So, my dream of becoming a internet influencer on RED, which I had been planning to do for a while, was shattered.
In the past four years, I experienced a lot of anxious moments. When I first entered school, I realized that many people around me had incredible talents, and they were performing on stage at SGT and other shows while I was always an audience. In G2, I found that my classmates, who I usually didn’t pay attention to, were super good at studying, winning gold medals in all their competitions. But one day, I suddenly realized. Instead of looking at other people’s achievements and being anxious, I should focus on what I should do and try to make an impact on what I love. That day, I wrote a sentence. Don’t compare yourself to others; compare yourself to yourself.
My mom told me it, too; I just didn’t get it. Sometimes, when I’m anxious, I love writing something encouraging to myself. This kind of writing is, frankly speaking, not meaningful. But there are indeed some truths that you have to think about and unravel the logic before you can understand them. Just like a long time ago, I would be nervous talking to someone I knew for the first time and nervous before going on stage.
My heartbeat would be loud because I was afraid that I would say something wrong and be hated by others or leave a bad impression on others. Until one day, I realized that no one really cares about these things; no one will always remember a little mistake or embarrassing incident of someone else, just like I don’t care about others. And even if I were hated, it wouldn’t matter. After that, I never got anxious about relationships or nervous about giving presentations because I knew they weren’t a big deal. But until I figure it out for myself, no amount of lectures will really help. I hope that sharing a relaxed mindset like this will help someone being also anxious.
Four years have passed in the blink of an eye. On my way to the last day of school, I saw the peacock flower blooming red on the trees above my head. On the day of the Superman dance, I stood on the stage of the theatre and looked down, suddenly realizing that it was the first and last time I would ever perform on that stage.
You can’t have both youth and the feeling of youth at the same time. In school, I always complained about why I had to climb the stairs to the seventh floor before 8 a.m., why I didn’t have more time to study before the exams, and why I always felt that my life would be better after graduation. But perhaps one day, turning a street corner of deja vu, I will suddenly miss these four years of youth.
- Article / Andrea Liang
